I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
