So drunk its hurt
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
