I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
