Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's JV to your varsity
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Randomize
