My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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