I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
