Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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