dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
