we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
