This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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