So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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