Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
