When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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