I got chris browned last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
