another moral hangover. fuck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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