I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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