Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
