from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
