I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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