He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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