At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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