I want to make a zoo with you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
