His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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