Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
