I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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