He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
