I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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