True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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