You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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