She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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