My balls are so social today.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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