I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
