Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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