i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
