he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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