It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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