based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
