I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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