My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
