I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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