Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
