i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
