Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
