highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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