I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
