In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
