I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Boobs speak an international language.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
