come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
