He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
