I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
