I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
