I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
