All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
