he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
