Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
