She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
