I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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