all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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