Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My feet surprised me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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