apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
