Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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